Mom? Wife? Blogger? Coder? Photographer? Writer? Seamstress?
Can I be all of it?
Yes, yes I can. Because I’m bad-ass. And so are you.
I haven’t always felt like this(not sure I feel it now, but I'm trying). When things got (are) hard, I would run away. When I'm criticized, I run. When I’m complimented I run. I run a lot, you’d think I’d be skinny or something, but I run to cake; because food is love. (it’s not, stop eating your feelings)
But, last week I decided to take a stand for my mental health and get the help I need so I can be this bad-ass I dream of being. It’s not going to be an easy journey, but fuck it, I’m SO WORTH it. I could say something inspirational about my kids and amazing supportive husband being the ones that make me want to change, but this isn’t about them. I’ve been putting them first for 12 years now (Zoe’s about to be 12, stop growing child of mine). This year is about me. I went 5 years without buying clothes. I went two years without stepping foot in a hair salon. I’ve put my dream job of being a photographer so far on the back burner, It’s in the next state in some run down house. (any dream of being anything it out there, somewhere)
I don’t know where I’m going to take my photography, or AZA studio. I know one day Nate and I want to be business owners. But right now, life is where it needs to be. We are both honing our skills to one day be self-employed. Until then, we’re enjoying life as it needs to be. I’m just hoping now my downs won’t be debilitating.
But how do I balance work-hobbies-family time?
I don’t. Balancing life is a lie. Each day I learn something new, at work, at life, at my hobbies. There’s nothing set in stone what I need to learn on any given day, all that matters is I do something. And if it’s only getting out of bed, and I’m still living, I call that a victory. I don’t need to do all these things daily. (Well I have to work daily, but that’s beside the point) Okay well, I don’t have to work every day, but I kinda like my house and all the nice things that working affords. I don’t have any set goals set in stone right now. My short term goal is to just live right now. To blog. To self-journal either online or on paper. I plan on doing more, but I’m going to wait a few weeks while I wait for all the information on mental health to kick in.
If you know someone is suffering from depression. Be there for them. And Don’t hesitate to call a hotline. Their mom, their dad, anyone you know that can be trusted. And again, if you feel their life would be put in jeopardy, anonymous hotlines is a good choice.
If you’re suffering. There’s hope. I’ve seen the dark side of the tunnel where you can’t find the light at the end. I feel is pressing on me daily. There are many reasons to keep myself grounded right here with my family. You have to find your light. You’re never a burden. Now to take my own advice.